my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
