That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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