taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
