This is not my ceiling
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
