im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
