I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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