cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
