nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
