I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
