I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
