At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
