I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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