he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
