My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
