I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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