Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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