You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
