My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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