i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
worst night to have a conscience
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
