Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
