so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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