remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
