p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
