I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
