lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
