At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
