ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize