just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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