Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
