Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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