People in love make me want to vomit
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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