why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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