Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Randomize
