you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
