He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
