I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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