Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
