just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
