Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
