Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
