Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Every concussion has its silver lining
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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