My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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