my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
