why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
