I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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