she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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