Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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