Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
