Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
