K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
