She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
