walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
