moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
