Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
