Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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