pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
