i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
