my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
