What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
