There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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