2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
