Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
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