she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
