just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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