I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
