O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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