everyone is single if you try hard enough
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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