I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
