it was like his penis was on wheels.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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