So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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