I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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