Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
